The sermon at St. Mark's today was about the ten commandments - "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's porsche" (the Jersey version). So that got me thinking? Is there ever a good time to covert something? I covet the certainty that both my christian friends (who have surrendered their lives to Jesus) and my atheist friends have - as opposed to this limbo land I find myself in.
I have atheist friends who judge me intellectually lacking for even considering believing. When I am with them I feel I am not an atheist. I end up arguing the historical accuracy of parts of the bible and explaining "It's not just a story". Then when I am with my christian friends I realise to be authentic I have to admit to not being one of them. I look at some of the great christians and feel intellectually weak for just not "getting it". My friend Jane today gently challenged me. I explained that there were certain key things I could not get my head around. "Like what?" she enquired. I knew at this point that I would have to tell the truth and as I squirmed in my seat I said "The, errrr, bodily resurrection". To which she replied "Well Luke saw him eat and he was a Doctor".
I figure all I can do - if I have a desire for answers one way or the other - is keep going to church and keep listening and learning.