I haven't blogged for a while so to recap... can I summarise the key moments in the past few months?

In January I gave up smoking. On the suggestion of my Christian friends I asked Jesus to take away my addiction. I felt a bit self conscious standing in my living room doing this as I didn't really feel I was speaking to anyone at all. I then tried a cigarette later on and it tasted horrible. I tried three times and it was disgusting. 8 months later and I still have no desire to smoke. My Christian friends regard this as proof of God's existence - he answered my prayer. I don't know what to think. I rationalise it as me speaking out loud my intention and sticking to it. It was strange that I had no cravings though. I also found out that it is important to ask for something to come and replace the addiction as if not 7 terrible things will fill the gap. I didn't know about that at the time so I've unwittingly had a gaping hole all this time. I have asked that the place the addiction left be filled with love - I hope that's OK.

I've been learning about speaking in tongues. There some good stuff on you tube - take a look and make your own mind up. My Christian friends say it is the holy spirit speaking but again I can't help but rationalise - MRI scans show that the normal speech areas are not activated so it suggests an ability to activate a different part of the brain where a sort of pre-language exists.

Check this out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZbQBajYnEc

Research shows that people who speak in tongues are generally happier. I'll try to find all these bits and pieces and put them together on here.

So in terms of my spiritual journey - am I further down the road? I don't know. There's certainly more acceptance - I'm not fighting it so much. I don't get angry anymore when someone says "Let us Pray".

I went to the 7am prayer meeting last wednesday - and I enjoyed that - I felt uplifted all day - but is it right to be a non-believer and just go and take from church or wherever? Sometimes I feel uncomfortable if I'm enjoying it all too much. Not a problem in catholic churches. I'm continually questioning - as I'm not a believer - why am I there? I think it's because whilst I don't believe, I think I'm in the wrong.

Just to finish - there is a good programme on ITV iplayer about the twelve apostles. So many questions. I really want to believe. I just don't.